Closing down 2011...

 Thank goodness I had no inkling of what 2011 was to bring this time last year or I may never have got out of bed on January 01. 

1.  Spending time in hospitals - little did I know that I would spend so much time visiting Ella and Sophie in them.  In total we have "done time" in some shape or format in seven different ones and one residential unit.  That's just buildings before you start counting nights.  I haven't added up all the nights (way to scary) but since late August alone, Ella has spent around 75 nights in hospital.  

2.  Learning new skills, in particular nursing skills - never had this down as a career option, but I have learnt to

• Give injections
• Change dressings
• Take a temperature
• Manage complex medication schedules - including giving morphine
• Understand chemotherapy cycles
• Hold a very scared hand as the anaesthetic goes in and then not cry so that I can find my way out of the operating area before making a complete fool of myself
• Sit calmly in recovery rooms whilst Ella comes round from operations (and not look to scared at the amount of equipment, bleeps and stuff)
• Ride out  numerous storms of tears and despair ("this too shall pass")
• Learnt a lot about cancer and anorexia

3.  Listen in disbelief to things I don't want to hear and cant believe I am hearing.  "Sophie needs to be taken to hospital NOW, she is very ill and needs to be under 24/7 observation".   "The scan shows a shadow in Ella's shoulder, you need to go and see an expert in Oxford next week".   "We are really sorry it's no longer a giant cell tumour, but cancer, and its on the move...."   Looking back I think  I coped with these moments  by having an almost out of body experience and actually feel that it wasn't  happening to me, like I was watching it happen to someone else (if only).

4  Understand just how  much care, love and support there is for me, Ella and Sophie.  Family, friends, and friends of friends The support has never stopped and has in fact increased over time.  It has arrived in all sorts of ways and shapes. Overwhelming, reassuring, comforting and much needed.  Simply wonderful

2011 did bring lots of other things as well both good and bad, the above are simply the overriding themes as I remember them....  bring on 2012.