Our tribute to Ella - a cluster of uncles and family

A family tribute to Ella, from her uncles - read by "U Bob" - blog commenter extraordinaire 

For any family the start of a new generation is an exciting time. For both the Redman and Tarzey families, when Ella was born in 1992, she was the first of the next generation and for three years the apple of everyone’s eye; doted on by her grandparents, aunty and, of course, three uncles who now realised there was more to life than work, pubs and sport.

We were all of course equally delighted in 1995 when Ella was joined by a sister; aged just three she was asked to think of a name. Her first suggestion was “Dr Heath” (the name of her then GP); thankfully Mummy and Daddy asked her to think of another, and her more suitable second suggestion – Sophie – was immediately adopted. On the Tarzey side the next generation has since been joined by Ella and Sophie’s two cousins; Tommy and Kezia.

The loss felt by a grandparent, cousin, aunty or uncle cannot be compared to that of a parent or sister. From an uncle’s perspective, a niece is someone you look forward to seeing now and then; to share the fun events of life with. It does not involve all the hard work, heartache and daily ups and downs that go with parenthood. The sense of loss is nevertheless deep and heartfelt, having watched a mere babe mature over 20 years into a beautiful, intelligent and articulate young lady with clutch of top grade A-Levels and clear idea of what she wanted to do in life.

As uncles we each had a different relationship with Ella:

Ella and Uncle Jim shared tastes in both travel and music. They went to gigs together, notably to enjoy their joint love of Green Day and Jim holidayed with the Redman’s on several occasions, with the 2007 trip to Florida being a highlight; Jim remembers Ella teasing with the name Shamu (after the Sea World killer whale). Ella also felt it was a good idea to keep in with Uncle Jim as he had a nice holiday flat in Woolacombe which Ella loved to visit with family and friends.

Uncle Andy loved the cousin-gatherings with his two kids and seeing Ella mentor the young’uns. Despite the distractions of his own family Andy always managed to have special moments with Ella. He was so pleased to have found such time just two weeks ago when they watched the film "Senna" together; doing something Ella loved, being at home curled up on the sofa watching quality stuff on the box.

For me, Uncle Bob, it was great to have someone else in the family who considered science and politics as primary discussion points rather than sport. Indeed, it says a lot about Ella that her idol was not a pop star or a sports person, but a physicist, Professor Brian Cox (she named her kitten after him and we will all get a chance to meet Brian the cat later). It was also handy for Ella, when she was young, to have an uncle who lived so near LEGOLAND and more recently near London as she visited universities and took on modelling assignments nearby. 

However, the most important memories are the collective ones we have of Ella as a family member:

The caravan holidays with Granny and Granddad Tarzey, with the odd uncle turning up on occasions and retiring exhausted.

The annual sale for “Children in Need”, where Ella and Sophie recycled their toys and sold homemade gifts and cakes for those in more need than themselves.

Christmas, where family members were given homemade presents with Ella’s special creative touch. These included the annual family calendars for Granny and Granddad and the personalised “uncle CDs”; the last of which she titled “How to stay young for ever” (something Ella will always be in our minds now).

And Ella was always there for the big family events. One exception was January this year when a chemo session meant she missed her Granny’s funeral; this was a huge upset for her. A few months later in June 2012, Ella was well enough to make it to a more upbeat family event, a big birthday. She was the heart and soul of the party. Ella lasted the duration doing a good job of drinking her three Uncles under the table.

The normal run of things is that the older generation fades as the new generation ascends. When this order is broken the sense of shock is profound. Nothing can fill the gap left in a family by such a loss. All we can do is cherish the memories of Ella and make sure we never forget the 20 years of joy she brought to all of our lives. Thank you.